bitch bitch bitch

I find it really frustrating, so I'm just gonna bitch about it. I understand that not everyone agrees with using a casino to raise funds for to enhance their child's education, or that people need to work and can't find a day off, people single parent and may not have someone to watch their children while they work a shift. But in a school of 100 students, there should be no difficulty filling these casino spots. That's one fantastic thing I miss about the girls' old school - even when we had a measly 40 students, we always had more than enough casino workers.

Please do NOT ignore the fact that working a casino is going to contribute about $70,000 to your child's school over two years. That means field trips and artist in residence programs that YOU DON'T have to pay for out of pocket. So why is it that a very select few worked BOTH days of the casino? I even saw a teacher working it. WTF? I find it really frustrating because I get it. I get how important that money is. And for you to continue to stay in your ignorant position and not even TRY to realize how much it means really pisses me off. For you to have the attitude that someone else will do it, absolutely grates on my nerves. I personally was sick as a dog. I also had to get the girls' Dad to drive 3 hours into town so he could stay with them while I worked the casino until 3 am, at which point he got into his vehicle and drove 3 hours back so he could go to work the next day. I also had to get up and take children to school the next day and head to work for 9. Was this insanely exhausting on my already exhausted mind and body? Definitely. But it is 1 night out of 2 years! So if more people could just do their part for their child's education, I wouldn't feel the need to bitch about it.

/rant

my brother is moving in... (and Muse's new album at the bottom)

My brother and his girlfriend found someone to take over their lease, so they will be moving with me and my girls by the end of the month. This is going to be helpful on so many levels. I'm hoping that the money they contribute will not just cover the increase in utilities, but will provide me with a tiny bit extra to put towards the mortgage. They will be a tremendous help with childcare for my girls (they already watch them at least once a week when I work evening shifts as it is right now, this will just be more convenient for us all). It will be SO nice to have some other adults in the house to help with some of the daily household tasks, like dishes, and cooking, or cleaning the bathrooms. Plus we are going to school so I can imagine us sort of us reminding each other that maybe we should be getting some things done in respects to that.

A few days ago I felt like I was falling apart... Today I feel optimistic again. A couple weeks and then my girls and I will have a support system right here in our own home. I can breathe a tiny sigh of relief. :)

I also had to get rid of my volunteer position on Wednesday nights. I've just been spread too thin and I'm wearing myself out. Maybe when the girls' Dad comes back to town to work, I can go back to do that. But right now, it's just too much.

And, my eldest had a dance at her school on Friday night. They played really really terrible music that was much more aimed at the parents than it was at the kids. But she still had a really great time. My youngest was much less enthusiastic that the only thing to do there was dance. lol. But she warmed up slightly by the end.

And finally... If you haven't yet checked out Muse's new disc... You need to. It's so fantastic. Really, really, great stuff. One of my favourites off of it is Undisclosed Desires. I've read some personal comments saying they think the album is pretty meh overall. That they're trying too hard to please their new fans and it doesn't sound enough like "old" Muse. I'm personally a fan of some progression or evolution when speaking of a musical artist. It's probably easier to continue to churn out the same sounding stuff over and over, but to still retain some of your sound but also grow as an artist is a fine line, because there will be fans who won't want to move forward with you. Also check out UK Ultra, and apparently this song I Belong to You will be included on the New Moon soundtrack.

What's the Big Deal Anyway? (A Post About 6 Feet Under)

I realize that my opinion on this show is going to be wholly unpopular. I didn't mind the first couple of seasons even, though I maintain the first episode was by the far the best, what with the advertisements for the funeral home products (think embalming fluid and hearses, etc.), the original impression it gave was one of quirky contemplation on the subject of death. I really wanted to like this show. I mean I did commit to spending my free time watching the entire series. But I think that I was not even close to as emotionally invested in this series as the vast majority of people I speak with about it.

In the last season when Nate is in the hospital in his coma and Claire says "thanks for the worst fucking news of my life!" I burst into hysterical laughter and ended up turning over on the couch and falling asleep because I just couldn't take the episode how it was intended to be. Claire's character was terribly acted and she became this unintended comic portion of the show. I'm actually a really emotional person but I was surprised that in a show dealing with death (a subject that terrifies me) I cried only 3 times in its entirety and I didn't shed one tear during the finale.

The beginning of the show did give me some things to think about in terms of my relationship with death. How I view it, a rekindling of what is it that I actually believes happen as opposed to what do I want to believe happens. But it couldn't keep it up past season 2.

The finale was completely underwhelming. So many people hyped it up. And i don't mean a handful of people, I mean like people are crazy about the way this show ended and can talk about it years later, about how original and surprising and fantastic it all was. Really? They all just die. I keep trying to find more and am wondering if I'm completely missing it, and maybe that's exactly the point, that there isn't anything more. We all just die. And I mean, I guess that's okay. To end a show that is about death and dealing with death, with... death. But for me, it doesn't live up to any of the praise so lavishly heaped upon it.

It could very well be my own personal circumstances. I'm becoming less and less of a television person because I just don't have the time (not that I've been a huge tv watcher in the last 4-5 years), and I think as a result I'm becoming even more choosy than I was before. Also, just where I am in life right now. Maybe it just wasn't the right time for me to watch it... I'm not sure.

I would love to hear what my friends (and any others that may be reading that have watched the series) loved about this series. How is it that you felt so connected to these characters? And I don't want to seem like I'm totally trashing the show. Simply put I didn't connect with it the way others did, and that's okay. I know many people can see the value in it and have such a strong appreciation for it. And I think that's great. :)

No Time for Reading

I've had very little time for reading as of late. What with my overall life schedule, one of my favourite activities has fallen by the wayside. I understand this is the price I pay for working a job, having two children of whom I'm a single parent during the week, going to school, and doing anything else I sign myself up for... Like making 4 pies for Thanksgiving dinner at my Dad's on Friday, or working a casino in a couple weeks for my oldest daughter's school from 9 pm to 3 am and then realizing that I still have to get up at about 7 the next morning because I work at 9. I'm still having a bit of a hard time balancing. But things seem to be settling down a bit... Maybe? It seems like we've got a pretty good routine going, though school work being an actual part of that routine instead of just haphazardly being crammed into empty spaces would be nice.

I've had time to do other things that are enjoyable for me, so it hasn't been all work and no play. I even got out to watch Deadmau5 spin last week and had so much fun. It was so great to be in that environment again... The dancing, the music, the good vibes all around.

This week is actually Read-In week at the schools here in the city, so I am going in to my daughter's class on Friday afternoon to read a book. The Wolves in the Walls by Neil Gaiman and illustrations by Dave McKean. It's one of my absolute favourite children's books and I'm pretty excited to share it with the kids.

The last novel that I read was the Book Thief and it destroyed me. Narrated by death and set in Nazi Germany, I cried for two days after I finished this book and really let the details of it sit in my head and heart. Devastatingly beautiful is how I describe it. Here's a passage from it that I loved:

On Christmas Eve, Lisel brought down a double handful of snow as a present for Max. "Close your eyes," she'd said. "Hold out your hands." As soon as the snow was transferred, Max shivered and laughed, but he still didn't open his eyes. He only gave the snow a quick taste, allowing it to sink into his lips.
"Is this today's weather report?"
Liesel stood next to him.
Gently, she touched his arm.
He raised it again to his mouth. "Thanks, Liesel."
It was the beginning of the greatest Christmas ever. Little food. No presents. But there was a snowman in their basement.

After delivering the first handfuls of snow, Liesel checked that no one else was outside, then proceeded to take as many buckets and pots out as she could. She filled them with the mounds of snow and ice that blanketed the small strip of world that was Himmel Street. Once they were full, she brought them in and carried them down to the basement.
All things being fair, she first threw a snowball at Max and collected a reply in the stomach. Max even threw one at Hans Hubermann as he made his way down the basement steps.
"Arschloch!" Papa yelped. "Liesel, give me some of that snow. A whole bucket!" For a few minutes, they all forgot. There was no more yelling or calling out, but they could not contain the small snatches of laughter. They were only humans, playing in the snow, in a house.
Papa looked at the snow-filled pots. "What do we do with the rest of it?"
"A snowman," Liesel replied. "We have to make a snowman."
Papa called out to Rosa.
The usual distant voice was hurled back. "What is it now, Saukerl?"
"Come down here, will you!"
When his wife appeared, Hans Hubermann risked his life by throwing a most excellent snowball at her. Just missing, it disintegrated when it hit the wall, and Mama had an excuse to swear for a long time without taking a breath. Once she recovered, she came down and helped them. She even brought the buttons for the eyes and nose and some string for a snowman smile. Even a scarf and hat were provided for what was really only a two-foot man of snow.
"A midget," Max had said.
"What do we do when it melts?" Liesel asked.
Rosa had the answer. "You mop it up, Saumensch, in a hurry."
Papa disagreed. "It won't melt." He rubbed his hands and blew into them. "It's freezing down here."
Melt it did, though, but somewhere in each of them, that snowman was still upright. It must have been the last thing they saw that Christmas Eve when they finally fell asleep. There was an accordion in their ears, a snowman in their eyes, and for Liesel, there was the thought of Max's last words before she left him by the fire.

***CHRISTMAS GREETINGS FROM MAX VANDENBURG***
"Often I wish this would all be over, Liesel, but then somehow you do something like walk down the basement steps with a snowman in your hands."

This post is perhaps a bit all over the place, but I'm just getting back into this idea of maybe blogging on a regular basis again. That's what was on my mind this morning while drinking my coffee/hot chocolate combination and just about to start the rush to get everyone ready to go.


p.s. It snowed a tiny bit last night. The excitement I hear first thing as my kids wake up and realize it, is absolutely infectious.

Maybe I'm back?

So after a long break, here's a post... about my kids nonetheless.

My oldest daughter now attends a traditional school. It's an arts core program, but still a more traditional school than what she is used to. Last year she exclusively home schooled and she was really happy with that. This year she is happy to have already made some really good friends that she gets to see on a daily basis. But the days are long for her. And she complains daily about her schoolmates being disrespectful to the teachers. To her, this mostly means chatting when the teacher has asked for quiet. She is excited to share with me the things she's done during the day and I really appreciate the conversations we have with each other... that sharing of information. Although she is having a good time there, she'd choose to home school again in a heart beat. Nothing can top choosing your own learning,... Having that much control at 9 is a powerful thing. It's a certainly a lesson in compromise and doing what's going to work best for our current family situation.

My youngest is registered as a home schooler. She attends a private centre (run by a friend of mine) 3 days a week. The other days I work with her at home or in the community or my friend and I swap care and let the kids play and do planned activities. I am astounded at how quickly my daughter has become comfortable at her new centre. It always used to drive me nuts when people would describe her as "shy" because it's NOT an accurate description of her. I always chose "slow to warm up" because she needs time and space and multiple encounters to connect and feel comfortable with people. And for her, as with anyone, with some people it just won't happen. But she chats SO much and SO excitedly about her days that I cannot ignore what a tremendously positive experience this has been for her already, and it's only a month in. The plan is to definitely keep her out of mainstream until around grade 4 like we did with our oldest.

On another note, my kids already have their costumes picked out and almost completed for Halloween. K is being Hermione so we need to find her the shirt and tie for her school uniform, but we already have her robe and wand and skirt and tights. R is being a skeleton but will probably get her face painted instead of wearing the mask because there is no mouth hole and she says it gets too hot. But it's freaky looking and she does take great delight in people telling her that and asking her to take it off.

MIA

So, I've totally been MIA.

There's been changes in my life. Most people who read my blog probably know, or who pick up on things on facebook probably have a sense of some of those changes. I'm not gonna post about them here, but I am going to say after a very hard year last year I feel really optimistic and positive about life this year, whether certain things work out or not, I'm accepting that not everything works out the way we intend.

I'm having a lovely time with my new job. I'm plugging away at my courses. I'm hanging out with friends and loving every minute I spend with my children (as per usual). I've been going to concerts and events and festivals. I'm still really bad at this whole cleaning gig, but I have hope that one day I will get it. lol.

I just wanted to let people know that I am around. And I am okay. :)

a spot of happiness

I just felt the need to share my little spot of happiness. I went yesterday for an interview for an entry level library position that I had been hoping to get. 15 hours a week, but the opportunity to pick up some more shifts, a position that gets my foot in the door so to speak but is not so challenging or demanding that I feel like I can't concentrate on my studies or the other things that are important to me. I'm really really happy this.